What can you do when a loved-one
or friend is affected by a traumatic incident? You may feel awkward
or embarrassed. You may have your own feelings about the incident
that are difficult to resolve. Most of all, you may simply feel
that you don't know what to say. The tips below may help you formulate
a response that shows your friend that you care and want to be supportive.
Acknowledge the event. Pretending
that nothing happened may seem like the easiest thing to do, but
it won't help affected individuals recover. You may want to acknowledge
the event with a kind gesture.
Don't ask questions; just
listen. Asking detailed questions about what happened usually comes
across as ghoulish and intrusive. If your friend wants to talk about
the event, just listen. He or she may repeat the details many times;
this is often an important part of healing. But if he or she is
not yet ready to talk, don't push.
Offer long-term emotional support.
It takes longer to recover from trauma than most people realize.
For instance, a year might seem like enough time to "get over it;"
yet the first anniversary is often very difficult for people.
Offer practical support. Instead
of the catch-all, "If there's anything I can do...", offer to do
specific things such as prepare meals, run errands, help with part
of their workload, or perform some other favors.
Listen, listen, listen. One
of the most important needs after a trauma is to talk about the
event--often, to talk about it over and over. It may be difficult
for you to hear about, or you may get tired of hearing the same
story, but talking is a crucial part of recovery. Be supportive
and sympathetic, but try to avoid overreacting. The person needs
to tell their own story, not to be upset by your reaction. Encourage
openness and listen to whatever else the person wants to say.
Don't encourage quitting school.
After a crisis, emotions run high. It's easy to rush into an unconsidered
action, such as quitting school. While it may be difficult for the
person to face going back to school, returning to school may actually
be the best way to recover from the crisis. School can provide the
company of others who have been through the same thing; but by quitting,
the person may fail to face the event and work through the emotions.
Take care of yourself. You
have your own responsibilities. While it's important to be supportive,
you also need some support yourself. Ask friends or family members
for help, and don't be afraid to seek counseling for yourself.
Enjoy the little things. Even
after a personal tragedy, there are things to be grateful for. Appreciating
the little things won't make the pain go away, but it will help
in the healing process. While it may be difficult to enjoy yourselves
at a time like this, it's important to strengthen your bond with
the people you care about.
